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OCTOBER 24TH 2021

AFTER BARON STORM ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT HE SUPPORTED THE  UNFORTUNATE MOSQUITO’S THAT COULDN’Y CARRY MALARIA THERE WAS A PROTEST OUTSIDE THE PROPERTY WHERE HIS NEW PALACE WAS BEING BUILT.

THE PROTESTING GROUP WAS THE “SUPPORT THE KILLER BEES” SOCIETY WHO ARE TRYING TO RAISE MONEY TO MAKE A SMALL CONDOM LIKE APPARATUS THAT WILL COVER THE KILLER BEE’S STINGERS.

A SPOKESMAN FOR THE GROUP SAID THAT THE KILLER BEES ARE VERY NICE ONCE YOU COVER THEIR STINGERS. IF THE BEES CAN’T GET THE HELP THAT WE ARE TRYING TO GET THEM, MOST PEOPLE SQUISH THEM.

BARON STORM CAME OUT OF HIS PALACE TO MEET WITH THEM AT THE GATE TO LISTEN TO THEIR STORY THAT WAS PASSIONATELY TOLD TO HIM BY GRETA SUNDERBERG FROM SWEDEN.

“LOOK, I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I WILL DO,” SAID BARON STORM REACHING INTO HIS POCKET AND PULLING OUT HIS WALLET. “I HAVE A NUMBER OF CONDOMS OF MINE HERE,” HE SAID, PULLING OUT ABOUT A DOZEN, “I THINK THEY ARE STILL ALRIGHT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE HAD THEM IN MY WALLET SINCE THE FITH GRADE. THEY ARE HEAVY DUTY WINTER CONDOMS WITH STUDS FOR A BETTER GRIP. BECAUSE OF THE SIZE OF THEM YOU COULD PROBABLY FIT A THOUSAND KILLER BEES IN EACH ONE OF THEM.”

WITH A FLOURISH HE HANDED THE CONDOMS TO GRETA.

THERE WAS A HUGE ROAR OF APPROVAL FROM THE CROWD, CHEERING AND CLAPPING AS THEY ALL MARVELLED AT THE GENEROSITY OF ONE OF THE WORLD’S WEALTHIEST MEN.

THE CROWD WAS SO EXCITED THAT THEY SPILLED ONE OF THE KILLER BEE HIVES THAT THEY HAD BROUGHT ALONG. AGGRAVATED THE BEES KILLED MOST OF THE PROTESTERS.

 

OCTOBER 23RD 2021

DURING A CELEBRITY SOCCER MATCH TO RAISE FUNDS FOR A CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION CALLED “RAISE FOR FUND FOR MOSQUITO’S” (THIS IS A FUND THAT HELPS UNFORTUNATE MOSQUITO’S THAT DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO CARRY MALARIA) BARON STORM SUFFERED A VERY BAD INJURY.

WHILE TAKING A FREE KICK PENALTY SHOT, ONE OF HIS LEGS WHICH HAD RECENTLY BEEN REATTACHED AFTER HE HAD BEEN PARTLY DIGESTED BY A GIANT SNAKE, FLEW OFF TOWARDS THE GOAL KEEPER.

THE GOAL KEEPER ATTEMPTED TO AVOID THE FLYING LEG BUT THE STUDDED FOOTBALL BOOT EMBEDDED IT’S SELF INTO HIS HEAD.

BARON STORM IMMEDIATELY HOPPED OVER TO THE INJURED GOALKEEPER TO RENDER ASSISTANCE.

BOTH OF THEM WERE IMMEDIATELY TRANSPORTED BY HELICOPTER TO HOSPITAL WHERE EVERY EFFORT WAS MADE TO SAVE THE FOOTBALL BOOT THAT BARON STORM HAD PAID $49.00 FOR.

AFTER HIS LEG WAS REATTACHED BARON STORM SPOKE TO REPORTERS.

“IT WAS A TRAGIC ACCIDENT,” HE SAID, HOLDING UP HIS FOOTBALL BOOT. “HOW I AM EVER GOING TO GET THE BRAIN MATTER OFF THE STUDS? GOAL KEEPERS THESE DAYS HAVE NO RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S PROPERTY. EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT SURVIVE AND WILL BE BURIED TOMORROW IT’S NO EXCUSE TO TREAT OTHER PEOPLE’S PROPERTY LIKE THIS.”

WITH THAT BARON STORM JUMPED ABOURD HIS GOLD PLATED HELICOPTER AND SPED OFF TO AN UNKNOWN DESTINATION.

 

OCTOBER 22ND 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

BARON STORM IS LAUNCHING A NEW LINE OF ANACONDA SNAKE SKIN SOCKS. AFTER HIS EXTRACTION FROM THE BELLY OF THE SNAKE HE REALIZED THAT THE ENORMOUS 35′ SNAKE WAS A PERFECT SPECIMEN FOR MAKING UNIQUE BARON STORM SOCKS.

“WHEN YOU WEAR THESE SOCKS ITS LIKE NO OTHER SOCK THAT YOU MIGHT WEAR,” HE STATES. “IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU SLITHER ACROSS THE FLOOR.”

APPARENTLY WHEN BARON STORM TRIED HIS FIRST PROTOTYPE SOCKS THE SNAKE WAS STILL ALIVE.

SEVERAL CUSTOMERS LOOKING TO TRY THE NEW SOCKS WERE ATTACKED BY THE GIANT SNAKE. LUCKILY A WIN TV CAMERA CREW WERE THERE TO FILM THEM ALL.

WARNING THIS IS GRAPHIC CONTENT AND NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

 

OCTOBER 21ST 2021

IMMEDIATELY AFTER BVEING RELEASED FROM HOSPITAL AND STILL IN SEVERAL BODY CASTS AND BANDAGES RELATED TO HIS FALL FROM A SIOX STORY BUILDING HOLDING AN EARTHWORM MADE HIS WAY TO THE AIRPORT AND THE WAITING PLANE.

BARON STORM, DETERMINED TO MAKE HISTORY BY JUMPING FROM A PLANE FROM 35,000 FT WITHOUT A PARACHUTE AND AT THE SAME TIME WRESTLING A 35′ LONG ANACONDA SNAKE DID NOT WANT TO DISAPPOINT HIS FANS BY CANCELLING THE EVENT.

WHILE TELEVISION CAMERAS FROM AROUND THE WORLD WATCHED THE PLANE ASCEND TO AN ALTITUDE OF 35,000′ FOR SOME REASON BARON STORM DID NOT DO THE JUMP.

WHEN THE PLANE LANDED SEVERAL AMBULANCES WAITED ON THE TARMAC.

APPARENTLY WHEN BARON STORM TRIED TO JUMP FROM THE PLANE THE 35′ ANACONDA SNAKE DID NOT PARTICULARLY LIKE THE IDEA OF JUMPING FROM THE PLANE .

THE SNAKE ENDED UP IN A FIERCE BATTLE WITH BARON STORM WHICH RESULTED IN BARON STORM BEING SWALLOWED BY THE SNAKE.

AMBULANCE CREWS HAD A HARD TIME REMOVING THE BARON STORM ENGORGED SNAKE FROM THE PLANE BUT WHEN THEY DID THEY TIED IT TO THE ROOF OF TWO AMBULANCES AND RUSHED TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL.

THEY REMOVED BARON STORM’S PARTIALLY DIGESTED BODY FROM THE SNAKE BUT HE WAS STILL ALIVE DUE TO THE VARIOUS BODY CASTS THAT HE WAS IN WHICH COULD NOT BE DIGESTED.

IN EMERGENCY SURGERY SKIN GRAFTS WERE MADE FROM THE SNAKE TO VARIOUS PARTS OF  BARON STORM’S DIGESTED AREAS.

AFTER SEVRAL HOURS IN THE OPERATING ROOM THE SURGEONS ANNOUNCED THAT BARON STORM WAS RESTING COMFORTABLY AND HISSING AT THE INTENSIVE CARE NURSES AS THEY PASSED.

“HE’S COMPLETELY BACK TO NORMAL” ANNOUNCED DOCTOR VIPER. 

 

OCTOBER 20TH 2021

BARON STORM IS SET TO MAKE HISTORY ONCE AGAIN BY BEING THE FIRST MAN TO JUMP FROM A PLANE AT 35,000 FEET WITHOUT A PARACHUTE WHILE WRESTLING WITH A 35′ ANACONDA SNAKE.

“WHEN ONE OF MY FRIENDS SUGGESTED THAT I DO THIS I THOUGHT WHY NOT?” SAID BARON STORM. “I AM AN ADVENTURER AND I LOVE A CHALLENGE. ONE OF THE PROBLEMS OF COURSE IS THAT I WILL BE PLUMMETING TOWARDS THE EARTH AT QUITE A VELOCITY. I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT THE SOLUTION TO THAT PROBLEM. WHAT MAKES IT INTERESTING IS THAT I HAVE THIS HUGE SNAKE TO DEAL WITH DURING THE FALL. I CAN’S WAIT TO SEE HOW IT ALL TURNS OUT. I AM VERY EXCITED BY THE CHALLENGE.”

HE HELD UP A 2″ EARTHWORM THAT HE IS PRACTICING ON AND JUMPED OFF THE SIX STORY BUILDING ONTO THE PAVEMENT BELOW AS REPORTERS WATCHED WITH INTEREST.

DUE TO TRAFFIC CONGESTION IT TOOK SEVERAL HOURS FOR THE AMBULANCE TO REACH HIM AND DETERMINE THAT HE HAD SUFFERED SERIOUS INJURIES.

THE EARTHWORM WAS UNHARMED IN THE FALL. 

BARON STORM GAVE A THUMBS UP SIGN AS HE WAS LOADED INTO THE AMBULANCE.

OCTOBER 19TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY SAVES BARON STORM AFTER SURFING ACCIDENT!

BARON STORM, A SEVEN TIME WORLD CHAMPION SURFER SUFFERED A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT ON A MONSTER WAVE OF 110′ OFF THE COAST OF PORTUGAL.

WITNESSES  WHO SAW THE ACCIDENT SAID THAT THE WAVE, THE BIGGEST IN RECORDED HISTORY, SURPRISED BARON STORM WHO WAS DOING YOGA ON HIS SURF BOARD.

HE WAS SWEPT UP IN THE WAVE WHICH CRASHED ON ROCKS ALONG THE SHORELINE. WHEN RESCUERS REACHED THE LIFELESS BODY OF BARON STORM NO ONE WANTED TO GIVE HIM THE KISS OF LIFE BECAUSE OF THE GREEN SPINY SEA URCHIN THAT APPEARED TO BE IN HIS MOUTH.

THIS WAS LATER IDENTIFIED AS PLAQUE AS BARON STORM HAD NOT BRUSHED HIS TEETH FOR SEVERAL MONTHS.

A SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY RIDING HIS BICYCLE TOOK HIS TIRE PUMP THAT WAS ON HIS BIKE, INSERTED THE END INTO BARON STORM’S ANUS.

HE PUMPED FOR SEVERAL HOURS AND MIRACULOUSLY BARON STORM REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS.  DAZED AND SOMEWHAT CONFUSED AS TO WHY HE HAD A BICYCLE PUMP STICKING OUT OF HIS ASS, BARON STORM RAN OFF INTO THE EVENING MIST.

OCTOBER 18TH 2021

BARON STORM WAS SEVERELY INJURED YESTERDAY IN A HIGH SPEEED DRAG RACE. HIS RIGHT LEG WAS AMPUTATED AS WELL AS HIS LEFT ARM WHICH HAD BEEN AMPUTATED AND REATTACHED SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE. HE ALSO LOST AN EYE AND AN EAR WHICH ARE CURRENTLY BEING SURGICALLY REPLACED AS WE SPEAK.

HERE IS A PICTURE OF THE TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.

OCTOBER 17TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE TO WIN TV.

BARON STORM GIVES BACK!

AFTER RECEIVING HIS $100 MILLION DOLLAR CHECK FRO THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION AND THE UNITED NATIONS FOR SOLVING THE WORLD’S TRAFFIC AND ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS, BARON STORM WAS ON HIS WAY BACK FROM HIS TENT IN THE DESERT WHEN HE GOT INTO MAJOR DIFFICULTIES.

THE $1,500,000 DOLLAR GOLD PLATED ROLLS ROYCE HE HAD JUST PURCHASED RAN OUT OF GAS. THE CAR STOPPED ON A DESERTED STRETCH OF HIGHWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

HE WAS STUCK WITH ONLY ABOUT $300,000 CASH IN HIS POCKETS.

AFTER ABOUT TEN MINUTES AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT CAME AND OFFERED TO HELP HIM.

BARON STORM WAS SO TOUCHED A TEAR FILLED HIS EYE PRIMARILY BECAUSE HE HAD A GRAIN OF SAND IN HIS EYE THAT WAS AGGRAVATING HIM.

THE IMMIGRANT FROM BOLIVIA EXPLAINED THAT HE HAD TRAVELLED TO THE United States TO TRY AND EARN SOME MONEY SO THAT HE COULD SEND IT BACK HOME TO HIS FAMILY AND GET TREATMENT FOR HIS TWO DAUGHTERS. ONE NEEDED A LIVER TRANSPLANT AND THE OTHER A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT. WITHOUT THE TRANSPLANTS BOTH DAUGHTERS WOULD DIE.

“LOOK YOUNG ILLEGAL,” SAID BARON, “HELP ME AND I WILL HELP YOU.”

AND SO IT WAS THAT THE YOUNG ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT GAVE BARON STORM A PIGGY BACK RIDE 25 MILES TO THE NEAREST AIRPORT WHERE BARON STORM ARRANGED TO MEET HIS CORPORATE HELICOPTER.

WHEN THE HELICOPTER ARRIVED THE PILOT WAS INSTRUCTED TO BRING OUT A SPECIAL SUITCASE FROM WHICH BARON STORM TOOK OUT HIS CHECK BOOK AND WITH A FLOURISH AND A SMILE PROUDLY WROTE A CHECK FOR $1.60 CENTS TO THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.

WITH A WAVE BARON STORM TOOK OFF IN THE HELICOPTER. WHAT A GUY!

 

OCTOBER 16TH 2021

TASKED WITH A MASSIVE ISSUE OF TRAFFIC CONTROL ON A GLOBAL BASIS, BARON STORM LIVED IN A TENT IN THE DESERT AREA OF LAS VEGAS WITH HIS TEAM OF ACADEMICS WHO SEEMED TO BE SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN FOR TWO WEEKS.

IN A RECENT PRESS CONFERENCE COVERED BY THE WOLRD’S PRESS HE REVEALED THE STUNNING ANSWER THAT COULD SOLVE THE WORLD’S TRAFFIC CONGESTION AND THE ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES THAT COME FROM  SO MANY EXHAUSTS EMITTING CARBON DIOXIDE.

“I WISH TO PROVIDE THE SOLUTION TO THIS ENORMOUS PROBLEM AS REQUESTED BY BOTH THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION AND THE UNITED NATIONS.” BARON STORM SAID.

“THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. FIRST THE DESIGN OF CARS HAS TO BE RADICALLY CHANGED.

AS WE ALL KNOW MOST PASSENGER VEHICLES HAVE FOUR SEATS BUT WHEN WE COMMUTE TYPICALLY ONLY ONE SEAT IS BEING USED.

THIS IS AN INEFFICIENT USE OF A DESIGN. WE NEED TO DESIGN A NEW CAR.

I HAVE DESIGNED A NEW CAR THAT STILL HAS FOUR WHEELS BUT IS AN ADVANCED VERSION OF A SELF DRIVING CAR.

MY DESIGN REQUIRES NO STEERING WHEEL AND REQUIRES NO FOSSIL FUEL. THERE IS AN ‘OFF-ROAD’ VERSION THAT CAN PROVIDE ALL THE THRILLS OF ‘OFF-ROADING’

THE $100 MILLION THAT I WAS PAID BY THE UNITED NATIONS AND THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO), WAS WELL SPENT. I CALL THE NEW CAR DESIGN THE DE LOREAN MARK 2.

I AM PROUD TO REVEAL THE DESIGN TO YOU NOW. WE HAVE TESTED THIS IN AFRICA IN TRAFFIC AND IT IS SURPRISINGLY GOOD.”

WITH THAT. HE UNVEILED THE $100 MILLION DOLLAR DESIGN THAT HE CAME UP WITH. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THE DELOREAN MARK 2.

https://youtu.be/LSlz7gc1LNU

 

OCTOBER 15TH 2021

THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO) AS WELL AS THE UNITED NATIONS HAS ASKED THE REMARKABLE AND TALENTED BARON STORM TO FIND A SOLUTION TO ONE OF THE WORLDS BIGGEST PROBLEMS.

AS ALWAYS, BARON STORM HAS STEPPED FORWARD TO OFFER HIS SERVICES.

AS ONE OF THE WORLD’S RICHEST MEN, ALSO ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT, HANDSOME AND ADORED BY MILLIONS OF WOMEN, YET STILL MAINTAINING HIS HUMBLE AND MODEST PERSONA, HE BELIEVES IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE BACK.

HE HAS BEEN ASKED TO SOLVE THE GLOBAL TRAFFIC PROBLEM WHICH IS CAUSING CONGESTION AND ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS FOR THE WORLD.

HE HAS RETIRED WITH HIS TEAM OF HI POWERED THINKERS TO A LARGE TENT IN THE LAS VEGAS DESERT WITH ORDER NOT TO BE DISTURBED UNTIL HE ANNOUNCES THE SOLUTION.

HOWEVER, REPORTERS HAVE OBSERVED SCANTILY DRESSED WOMEN GOING INTO THE TENT AND LOUD MUSIC CAN BE HEARD FROM THE TENT.

WE WILL BRING YOU THE NEWS AS SOON AS WE HAVE IT.

OCTOBER 14TH 2021

BARON STORM, ALSO KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS, HAS TRIED EVERYTHING TO ESTABLISH A ROYAL ARMY, A ROYAL NAVY AND A ROYAL AIR FORCE. ALL TO NO AVAIL.

IN ORDER TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM HE HIRED A BUNCH OF SECURITY EXPERTS AND CHALLENGED THEM TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF SECURITY FOR THE ROYAL FAMILY AND THE NEW COUNTRY OF “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY THE USA, CANADA, MEXICO AND THE CARIBBEAN.).

AFTER SIX MONTHS OF STUDY AT A COST OF OVER $12 MILLION DOLLARS A SOLUTION TO PROTECT THE THRONE WAS ARRIVED AT.

 

OCTOBER 13TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS.

AFTER SPENDING MILLIONS ON THE NEW Royal Air Force FEATURED YESTERDAY, BARON STORM OR KING RICHARD RIDGID THE 1ST, AS HE IS NOW KNOWN IS VERY ANGRY.

APPARENTLY THE LAUNCH OF HIS NEW AIR FORCE COINCIDED WITH THE OPENING OF HUNTING SEASON IN THE UNITED STATES (WHICH IS NOW KNOWN AS “BEAVERLAND”)

THE ENTIRE AIR FORCE WAS SHOT DOWN 20 MINUTES INTO THE INAUGURAL FLIGHT. 

BARON STORM WAS WATCHING THE RADAR AT THE TIME WHICH SHOWED THE NEW AIR FORCE BEING SHOT DOWN.

RUMOURS WERE LATER CONFIRMED BY REPORTERS THAT THE KING’S NEW AIR FORCE WAS LATER EATEN.

 

OCTOBER 12TH 2021

BARON STORM AS THE NEW KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST HAS UNVEILED HIS NEW AIR FORCE OF MINIATURE F-36 AND F 37 STATE OF THE ART PLANES.

THESE EXTREMELY HI TECH PLANES HAVE GUIDED POOPICILES THAT CAN LAND WITH PIN POINT ACCURACY ON ANY ONE AT ANY TIME.

THEY WERE FILMED IN FLIGHT B Y OUR FULL SIZED F-99 ADVANCED SPY PLANE THAT CARRIES TWO PEOPLE.

THE ROYAL AIR FORCE PATROLS THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE IN WINTER AND THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE IN SUMMER.

OCTOBER 11TH 2021

BARON STORM, ALSO KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST, “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS HAS RESCINDED HIS ROYAL PROCLAMATION AFTER A GROUP CALLED TLM (TURKEY’S LIVES MATTER) PROTESTED IN NEW YORK YESTERDAY.

APPARENTLY, AND UNKNOWN TO THE KING, TURKEYS POOP A LOT AND TURKEY FARMERS WERE DELUGED IN ALMOST THREE FEET OF TURKEY POOP IN LESS THAT 24 HRS.

THE METHANE GAS THAT THE POOP PILES WERE EMITTING ERUPTED INTO SEVERAL UNCONTROLLABLE FIRES THAT SPREAD TO HALF OF CALIFORNIA, TEXAS AND FLORIDA.

THE GOVERNORS OF EACH OF THOSE STATES HAVE DECLARED STATE WIDE EMERGENCIES AND RESIDENTS, INCLUDING ANY CHILD OVER THE AGE OF THREE MONTHS ARE ENCOURAGED TO EACH EAT AT LEAST THREE TURKEYS A DAY TO MINIMIZE THE POOP BUILDUP AND POSSIBLE MORE FIRES AND EXPLOSIONS.

ACCORDING TO VARIOUS EMERGENCY FRONT LINE WORKERS AT LEAST THREE HUNDRED PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES IN THE EFFECTED AREAS.

WHEN ASKED FOR COMMENT THE KING THOUGHT DEEPLY ABOUT THE SITUATION BEFORE SAYING THIS. “OBVIOUSLY WE HAVE TO LOOK AT FINDING A WAY TO STOP THE TURKEY’S FROM POOPING SO MUCH. MAYBE ITS A QUICK SURGICAL FIX ON THE LOWER DIGESTIVE TRACK OF EACH TURKEY.”

WIN TV WILL BRING YOU UPDATES ON THE HOUR ONCE A DAY.

 

OCTOBER 10TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV NETWORK WHO IS ALSO KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS HAS MADE ANOTHER ROYAL PROCLAMATION.

IN AN APPEARANCE BEFORE HUNDREDS OF REPORTERS, HE NOTED THAT IT IS THANKSGIVING WEEKEND IN CANADA (NOW KNOWN AS “BEAVERLAND”) AND THOUSANDS OF TURKEYS ARE SLAUGHTERED TO BE SERVED UP AS A CELEBRATORY DINNER.

“BY WAY OF THIS ROYAL PROCLAMATION I PRONOUNCE THAT HERETO FORTHWITH AND BY ORDER OF THE KING, THE TURKEY IS NOW A PROTECTED BIRD AND AS SUCH A TURKEY DINNER IS HEREBY PROHIBITED IN THE KINGDOM OF BEAVERLAND. (CANADA, THE USA, MEXICO AND THE CARIBBEAN.) 

FURTHERMORE ALL TURKEYS SHALL BE RELEASED INTO THE WILD IMMEDIATELY WHERE THEY SHALL LEAD FREE AND PRODUCTIVE LIVES IN THE KINGDOM.”

ASKED WHY HE MADE THIS PROCLAMATION THE KING SAID THAT AS A BABY FELL ASLEEP ONE DAY AND WOKE UP DEEP IN A FOREST. HE RECALLS SEEING HIS MOTHER AND FATHER LAUGHING AND RUNNING AWAY AS FAST AS THEY COULD.

COLD AND HUNGRY HE HEARD A SUDDEN NOISE. A PAIR OF BEADY EYES LOOKED DOWN AT HIM. IT WAS A TURKEY. THE TURKEY ADOPTED HIM AND RAISED HIM DEEP IN THE FOREST. THE TURKEY TAUGHT HIM HOW TO GOBBLE AND HE LEARNED THEIR LANGUAGE, WHICH IS VERY POETIC.”

WHEN ONE OF THE REPORTERS MENTIONED THAT THIS SOUNDED LIKE THE STORY OF TARZAN EXCEPT THAT TARZAN WAS BROUGHT UP BY AN APE, THE KING AGREED THAT IT WAS SIMILAR.

 

OCTOBER 9TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV NETWORK AND ALSO KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS TOOK OUT HIS NEWLY ACQUIRED CLASS “A SUBMARINE FOR A TEST DRIVE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.

THE SUBMARINE, BUILT FOR HIM BY THE CAPTAIN AHAB SHIP YARD IN  BANGLADESH IS DESIGNED TO CONFUSE THE ENEMY IN THAT IT HAS A PROPULSION SYSTEM AT EACH END SO THAT RADAR CANNOT DETERMINE IF THE SHIP IS GOING BACKWARDS OR FORWARDS.

TO LIMIT NUCLEAR ACCIDENTS WITH ANY OF THE 64 900 KILOTON NUCLEAR ROCKETS BARON STORM CAME UP WITH THE BRILLIANT IDEA OF HAVING THE LAUNCH TUBES FACE STRAIGHT DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.

IN THE CASE OF ACTUALLY HAVING TO FIRE AT AN ENEMY THE SUBMARINE IS DESIGNED TO TURN UPSIDE DOWN. HOWEVER, EARLY SEA TRIALS POINTED OUT A DESIGN FLAW WHICH REQUIRED THE CREW DO OPERATE THE SUBMARINE DOING A HEAD STAND.

APPARENTLY THE SUBMARINE IS A LITTLE CONFUSING TO THE NEW KING AS IT SPUN OUT OF CONTROL UPSIDE DOWN AND FIRED MOST OF ITS ROCKETS ACCIDENTALLY AT THE SEA FOOOR CREATING ANOTHER UNCHARTED 15 MILE LONG MARIANNA LIKE TRENCH IN THE HARBOUR AND NIRTHER THE KING OR THE CREW HAVE BEEN HEARD OF SINCE.

WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED OF ANY NEWS.

 

OCTOBER 8TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV CREATED A HUGE PUBLIC OUTCRY YESTERDAY WHEN HE CALLED HALF OF ALL POLITICIANS IN THE UNITED STATES CROOKS AND THIEVES.

THE OUTCRY WAS SO HUGE THAT HE APOLOGIZED BY MAKING THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT AT THE UNITED NATIONS ASSEMBLY.

“IN LIGHT OF MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT WHERE I CLAIMED THAT HALF OF ALL USA POLITICIANS ARE CROOKS AND THIEVES I WISH TO OFFER AN APOLOGY AND STATE THE FOLLOWING. HALF OF ALL USA POLITICIANS ARE NOT CROOKS AND THIEVES.”

 

OCTOBER 7TH 2021

WELL TODAY IS AN EXCITING DAY AS BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV AND ALSO KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST  “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS, TAKES DELIVERY OF HIS NEW MEGA YACHT.

THE YACHT COST $100,000,000 USD BUT BARON STORM HAS PUT IT BACK IN THE BOAT YARD TO REPAINT THE YACHT BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME SEAGULL POOP ON TWO SPOTS NEAR THE RADAR EQUIPMENT.

THE COST OF REPAINTING THE YACHT IS ESTIMATED AT $50,000,000 USD AS IT IS TO BE HAND PAINTED WITH SOME VERY FINE WATER COLOUR BRUSHES MADE FROM PORCUPINE QUILLS AND POMERANIAN BUTT HAIRS.

AS THE NEW KING IS PREPARING FOR HIS CORONATION HE WANTED HIS SUBJECTS (USA, CANADA MEXICO AND THE CARIBBEAN) TO BE ABLE TO SEE THAT THE TAXES THEY PAY TO THE NEW KING ARE BEING SPENT WELL.

THIS WILL BE THE ONLY CHANCE FOR THE COMMON PEOPLE TO SEE THE YACHT AS BY A NEW ROYAL PROCLAMATION THERE WILL BE A $5,000 FINE FOR ANYONE CAUGHT LOOKING AT THE YACHT WHEN ITS ACTUALLY MOVING.

 

OCTOBER 6TH 2021

IN THE UPCOMING TOM CRUISE MOVIE WHICH IS TO BE PARTLY SHOT ON BOARD THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION, BARON STORM HAS BEEN CAST AS THE EVIL SPACE ALIEN.

“I AM DELIGHTED TO BE ABLE TO PLAY THIS PART.” SAID BARON STORM IN A RECENT INTERVIEW WITH THE HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS. “QUITE FRANKLY I AM GETTING TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING THE GOOD GUY. THIS WILL BE A FUN ROLE FOR ME.

APPARENTLY THE SCRIPT REQUIRES BARON STORM TO PLAY THE PART OF A BLOOD SUCKING ALIEN WHO STICKS A LONG TUBE INTO THE SKIN OF THE OTHER ASTRONAUTS AND SUCKS THEIR BLOOD.

THIS CAUSES THE ASTRONAUTS TO SCRATCH THE WOUNDS THROUGH THEIR SUITS WHICH DISINTEGRATE.

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS TEAM ASSIGNED TO THE MOVIE ARE USING THEIR MAGIC TO CREATE THIS UNIQUE EFFECT.

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS TEAM HAVE AN EXTRAORDINARY BUDGET OF $150,000,000 TO MAKE BARON STORM LOOK LIKE THE EVIL BLOOD SUCKING ALIEN.

HERE IS WHAT THE FINISHED PRODUCT LOOKS LIKE.

 

OCTOBER 5TH 2021

BARON STORM HAS BEEN CAST IN THE NEW TOM CRUISE MOVIE THAT IS TO BE FILMED PARTLY ON THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION LATER THIS YEAR.

THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION WHICH IS ACTUALLY OWNED BY BARON STORM PROVIDED A VIDEO TO TOM CRUISE THAT SHOPWS WHAT AN AVERAGE DAY IN SPACE IS LIKE FOR THE ASTRONAUTS.

HERE IS THAT VIDEO

OCTOBER 4TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

BARON STORM WAS ARRESTED FOR MAKING LOVE TO A GERMAN SHEPHERD!

SHE WAS ARRESTED FOR LEAVING FIFTY SHEEP UNATTENDED ON A PUBLIC HIGHWAY.

BARON STORM WAS UNDERSTANDABLY ANNOYED WHEN HE WAS RELEASED WITH NO CHARGES LAID AGAINST HIM BUT HE LATER WENT ON A RANT WAS SUBSEQUENTLY ARRESTED FOR SHOP LIFTING.

HOWEVER, ONCE AGAIN HE WAS RELEASED AFTER AGREEING TO PUT DOWN THE DOLLAR STORE HE HAD LIFTED FROM IT’S FOUNDATION.

OCTOBER 3RD 2021

BARON STORM (NOW KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID 1ST “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS) IS STILL HAVING PROBLEMS WITH FORMING A MILITARY FORCE TO PROTECT THE PALACE.

HIS FIRST ATTEMPT AT AN ARMY LED TO A DEFECTION OF HIS FIVE GENERALS TO CHINA. HIS SECOND ATTEMPT TO FORM A NAVY COMPRISED OF 6 – 10 YEAR OLD CHILDREN SAILING HOBE CATS FAILED WHEN THE KIDS GOT LOST AT SEA BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T KNOW ANY NAVIGATION.

SO, ZUKER ZULU, A FRIEND OF BARON STORM’S WHO HAPPENS TO BE A KING OF THE ZULU TRIBE IN AFRICA SENT HIM THE FOLLOWING HELPFUL VIDEO OF FEMALE ELITE SOLDIERS WHO MAY BE LOOKING FOR A JOB.

OCTOBER 2ND 2021

DUE TO THE DEFECTION OF THE TOP FIVE GENERALS OF KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST’S ELITE ARMY TO THE CHINESE THE KING (AKA AS BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV, HAS DECIDED TO ESTABLISH AN ELITE NAVY.

ON JANUARY 1ST 2022 HE WILL BE ISSUING A ROYAL PROCLAMATION TO ANNOUNCE A NAVY DRAFT FOR ALL CHILDREN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 6 AND 10 YEARS OF AGE.

THE REASON FOR THE YOUNG AGE IS BECAUSE CHILDREN ARE CHEAPER TO FEED THAN ADULTS AND THE 12 HOBE CAT CATAMARANS THAT WILL FORM THE GENESIS  OF THE Royal Navy WILL BE ARMED WITH THE LATEST WEAPONS INCLUDING THE MARK 1 COMPETITION CATAPULT. 

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF THE ELITE ROYAL FLEET. DUE TO THE TOP SECRET IDENTITY OF THE SAILORS, THE PICTURES ARE SLIGHTLY OUT OF FOCUS TO HIDE THEIR IDENTITY AND TO AVOID ANY CHARGES OF KIDNAPPING OF SMALL CHILDREN.

HERE THE ROYAL NAVY CASETS GET INSPECTED BY A VETERINARIAN TO MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT HAVE RABIES, SCURVY AND ANY WARTS ON THEIR FINGERS FROM USING INSTAGRAM.

JUST LIKE THE BRITISH ROYAL NAVY TRADITION EACH SAILOR WILL RECEIVE A PINT OF DARK NAVY RUM FROM JAMAICA EACH DAY.  

OCTOBER 1ST 2021

KING RICHARD RIGID THE 1ST (“DICK”)  TO HIS FRIENDS, ALSO KNOWN AS BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV, YESTERDAY ANNOUNCED THE FORMATION OF HIS ELITE ROYAL ARMY.

IMMEDIATELY CHINA DECLARED WAR ON THE ROYAL ARMY AND “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY THE USA, CANADA, MEXICO AND THE CARIBBEAN) SAYING THAT THE KINGS ELITE FIGHTING FORCE OF FIVE GERIATRICS FROM A SUSSEX OLD FOLKS HOME WERE CONSIDERED A THREAT.

ASKED TO EXPLAIN WHY THESE FIVE OLD AGE PENSIONERS WERE A THREAT, YUNG CHUCK UP, A SPOKESMAN AND AMBASSADOR TO CHINA SAID THAT THE NUMBER OF MEDALS THEY WERE WEARING WERE A THREAT TO THEIR FIVE GENERALS WHO PRESENTLY HOLD THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS FOR MOST MEDALS AND PROVIDED THIS PICTURE OF THEIR TOP FIVE GENERALS.

 

WHEN THE KING WAS SHOWN THE PICTURE HE IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZED THE FIVE MEN WHO HE HAD JUST APPOINTED TO LEAD HIS ARMY. 

ALL FIVE OF THEM HAD DEFECTED TO THE CHINES ARMY. UPON FURTHER INVESTIGATION IT APPEARS THAT THEY HAD BEEN SEDUCED BY A PROMISE THAT THEY COULD PLAY IN ONE OF THE NEW CHINESE PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL LEAGUE TEAMS.

KING RICHARD IS NOW MEETING WITH HIS CABINET IN A ROYAL PALACE BATHROOM. THE CABINET IS A BEAUTIFUL FRENCH DESIGN FROM THE 18TH CENTURY. WHY THE KING MEETS AND TALKS TO THE CABINET MADE OF CHERRY WOOD IS STILL A MYSTERY.

SEPTEMBER 30TH 2021

KING RICHARD RIGID 1ST  “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS, (KING OF ‘BEAVERLAND” FORMERLY THE UNITED STATES, CANADA, THE CARIBBEAN AND MEXICO) AND ALSO KNOWN AS BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV NETWORK, HAS NOW STARTED TO PUT HIS ROYAL ARMY TOGETHER.

HE HAS APPOINTED HIS FIRST MILITARY COMMANDERS WITH DISTINGUISHED RECORDS AS YOU CAN TELL FROM THIS PICTURE WHERE THEY ARE DISPLAYING THEIR MEDALS.

 

ALL OF THEM WERE RECRUITED FROM THE SUSSEX OLD FOLKS HOME. ALL OF THEM HAVE SHOWN EXTREME COURAGE IN THE BOY SCOUTS WHEN THEY WERE 10 AND 11 YEARS OLD. 

EVEN THOUGH ONLY ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN FISTICUFFS WITH A GIRL GUIDE, THEY HAVE HUNDREDS OF MEDALS BETWEEN THEM INCLUDING THE RARE SEWING, BUTTERCUP COLLECTION AND PING PONG MEDALS.

IT IS EXPECTED THAT THE KING WILL SOON MAKE A ROYAL PROCLAMATION PUTTING INTO EFFECT A MILITARY DRAFT. IT IS EXPECTED THAT THIS WILL BE FOR YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 6 AND 9 YEARS OLD AS THEY ARE CHEAPER TO FEED THAN ADULTS.

EACH OF THEM WILL UNDERGO A SUPERB 20 MINUTE TRAINING PROGRAM TO MAKE THEM AN EFFECTIVE FIGHTING FORCE. 

SEPTEMBER 29TH 2021

THE FUNERAL FOR SUPERMODEL NIKITA NIKITA WAS HELD YESTERDAY IN HAWAII WHERE SHE OFTEN SURFED THE BIG WAVES WITH BARON STORM WHO IS ALSO A CHAMPIONSHIP SURFER.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NIKITA NIKITA R.I.P

NIKITA NIKITA WHO FROZE TO DEATH IN AN IGLOO HIDING OUT FROM THE PRESS AFTER DATING BARON STORM, WAS FLOWN DIRECTLY FROM THE ARCTIC, STILL FROZEN, AND INTO THE ALMOST 100 DEGREE TEMPERATURE OF HAWAII.

A PARTY TO CELEBRATE HER LIFE WAS ATTENDED AT THE FAMILY HOME AND NIKITA NIKITA WHILE STILL FROZEN WAS USED TO CHILL THE BEER.

THE NEXT DAY SHE WAS CREMATED BUT BECAUSE SHE KEPT THAWING OUT THE WATER KEPT PUTTING OUT THE FLAMES OF THE CREMATORIUM. THE CREMATION WAS SCHEDULED FOR 20 MINUTES LASTED A DAY AND A HALF AFTE REPEATEDLY TRYING TO RELIGHT THE CREMATORIUM.

INSTEAD OF ASHES A BIG BOWL OF MUD WAS THE END RESULT OF THE CREMATION OF NIKITA NIKITA.

THE GUESTS AT THE FUNERAL WERE INVITED TO MAKE UP MUD VASES AND ASHTRAYS AS A MEMENTO OF HER LIFE.

THEY ARE AVAILABLE FROM WIN TV FOR $49.00 (CASH ONLY PLEASE.)

 

SEPTEMBER 28TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

WIN TV REPORTS THAT A WOMAN WAS ARRESTED FOR MAKING LOVE TO A GERMAN SHEPHERD OUTSIDE OF NEW YORK  YESTERDAY.

HE WAS ARRESTED FOR LEAVING 200 SHEEP UNATTENDED ON A PUBLIC HIGHWAY.

 

SEPTEMBER 27TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

BARON STORM WAS DISCHARGED FROM HOSPITAL TODAY AFTER SWALLOWING HIS EYEBROWS CAUSED  A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE FOR HIM.

THE EYEBROW WAS RECOVERED FROM HIS THROAT BY THE SUGEON WHO USED A GARDEN RAKE. THE EYEBROWS WERE GIVEN TO ONE OF THE OPERATING ROOM NURSES WHO PROMPTLY STARTED KNITTING A PAIR OF WINTER SOCKS FOR HER TEENAGE DAUGHTER.

BARON STORM LOOKS A LITTLE ODD WITHOUT HIS EYEBROWS SO HE GLUED A POMERANIAN PUPPY TO HIS FOREHEAD SO THAT PEOPLE WOULD NOT STARE AT HIM.

THIS UNFORTUNATELY CAUSED PROBLEMS FOR HIM LATER WHEN HIS NEW “EYEBROW” BIT A SUPER MODEL THAT HE WAS MAKING LOVE TO IN THE BACK OF HIS LIMOUSINE. 

“THE POMERANIAN FREAKED OUT BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS BEING ATTACKED BY A LARGE FURRY ANIMAL ” SAID BARON STORM AFTER HE WAS HAULED INTO THE LOCAL POLICE STATION ACCUSED OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

THE SUPER MODEL’S GYNAECOLOGIST REPORTED IN A PRESS CONFERENCE, OUTSIDE THE SAME HOSPITAL THAT BARON STORM HAD JUST BEEN DISCHARGED FROM, THAT SHE WAS RESTING COMFORTABLY AFTER RECEIVING TWENTY SEVEN STITCHES TO HER NAUGHTY BITS.

 

SEPTEMBER 26TH 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV WAS RUSHED TO HOSPITAL LATE LAST NIGHT FOR EMERGENCY SURGERY TO REMOVE ONE OF HIS EYEBROWS FROM HIS THROAT WHERE IT BECAME STUCK.

HE WAS CARRYING OUT THE ORDER OF A JUDGE FROM THE SUPREME COURT OF BRAZIL WHO COMMUTED HIS SENTENCE FOR GETTING SEVERAL PYGMY WOMEN PREGNANT DEEP IN THE JUNGLES OF BRAZIL

THE ORIGINAL SENTENCE HADED DOWN WAS FOR BARON STORM TO EAT HIS OWN HEAD WHICH HE REFUSED TO DO BECAUSE HE WAS ON A LOW CARB DIET.

THE JUDGE REDUCED THE SENTENCE BUT ORDERED BARON STORM TO JUST EAT HIS EYEBROWS.

AT A PRESS CONFERENCE OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL DR. YANYAN MCTAVISH A THORACIC SURGEON EXPLAINED WHAT HAPPENED.

“MR BARON STORM WAS ADMITTED LAST NIGHT AND SOUNDED LIKE AN OVERWEIGHT CAT COUGHING UP A FUR BALL,” HE EXPLAINED. “WE REMOVED THE THREE INCH EYEBROW BUT THE OPERATION WAS COMPLICATED BECAUSE THE EYEBROW WAS ENMESHED IN WHAT LOOKED LIKE A PARTLY DIGESTED MONKEY AND BACON GREASE SANDWICH.”

ASKED ABOUT HIS PRESENT CONDITION DR. YANYAN MCTAVISH, IN A HARD TO UNDERSTAND CHINESE AND SCOTTISH ACCENT EXPLAINED, “HE IS STILL CRITICAL BUT SEEMS TO BE HAVING A LOT OF SEX WITH THE INTENSIVE CARE NURSES AND ONE HEART MONITOR. WE BELIEVE THIUS MAY BE SOME SORT OF INVOLUNTARY REFLEX ACTION.”

ANOTHR NEWS RELEASE IS SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW AT THE SAME TIME.

 

 

 

SEPTEMBER 25TH 2021

BARON STORM WAS IN THE SUPREME COURT OF BRAZIL YESTERDAY IN REGARDS TO THE PATERNITY SUITS BROUGHT AGAINST HIM BY SEVERAL PYGMY WOMEN WHO ALLEGED THAT HE IS THE FATHER OF THEIR CHILDREN.

HE WAS ALSO ACCUSED OF SUBSTITUTING HIS SPERM FOR DNA TESTING WITH THE SPERM OF A CIRCUS ELEPHANT.

THE JUDGE WAS NOT TOO HAPPY WITH BARON STORM AND FOUND HIM GUILTY OF ALL CHARGES. 

HE WAS SENTENCED TO PROVIDE CHILD SUPPORT IN THE FORM OF TWO DEAD MONKEYS A MONTH, SIX PAPAYA FRUITS PER CHILD AND AS THE PYGMY TRIBE IS ONE OF THE REMAINING CANNIBALISTIC TRIBES IN THE BRAZILIAN JUNGKE HE WAS ORDERED TO EAT HIS OWN HEAD.

“I CANT DO THAT!” SHOUTED BARON STORM TO THE PACKED COIURT ROOM.

“WHY NOT?” ASKED THE JUDGE.

“I’M ON A LOW CARB DIET.” EXPLAINED BARON STORM.

“WELL IN THAT CASE JUST EAT YOUR EYEBROWS.” ORDERED THE JUDGE. WITH THAT HE BANGED HIS GAVEL AND LEFT THE COURTROOM.

WHEN ASKED BY REPORTERS WHAT HE THOUGHT OF THE SENTENCE BARON STORM REPLIED. “I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE SUPPORT PAYMENTS, IN FACT I HAVE A FREEZER FULL OF DEAD MONKEYS FROM WHEN I CRASHED MY HELICOPTER INTO THE JUNGLE. ON THE EYEBROW THING, I REALLY HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT EITHER. ITS LIKE EATING A HAIRY CATERPILLAR.”

WITH THT HE JUMPED INTO HIS LIMO WITH THE VERY ATTRACTIVE COURT REPORTER AND SPED FROM THE COURT HOUSE TO DESTINATIONS UNKNOWN.

 

SEPTEMBER 24TH 2021

BARON STORM’S HELICOPTER IS MISSING FEARED LOST!

BARON STORM, CEO AND FOUNDER OF WIN TV AND NEWLY CROWNED KING OF “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY THE UNITED STATES, CANADA THE CARIBBEAN AND RECENTLY MEXICO, IS FEARED TO BE A HELICOPTER CRASH VICTIM.

HE WAS PLANNING TO TAKE HIS PRIVATE HELICOPTER TO GET AN OVERHEAD VIEW OF HIS NEW PALACE WHICH IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION WHEN HE DISAPPEARED.

A REPORTER SNAPPED THIS SHOT OF HIM PACKING HIS USUAL SUITCASES FULL OF GOLD THAT HE ALWAYS TAKES WITH HIM. 

AS WELL AS BIG BOXES OF JELLIED EEL SANDWICHES WITH MUSTARD AND BACON GREASE, ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE SNACKS. 

A DISTRESS CALL WAS MADE FROM THE HELICOPTER AT 2:37 PM MST BUT THE CALL WAS GARBLED PROBABLY BECAUSE BARON STORM HAD EATEN SEVERAL JELLIED EEL SANDWICHES.

FROM THE GARBLED MESSAGE IT WAS APARENT THAT ONE OF THE JELLIED EELS WAS STILL ALIVE AND HAD BEEN SLEEPING IN BETWEEN THE TWO SLICES OF BREAD.

THE SEARCH AND RESCUE TEAM FROM WIN TV WAS IMMEDIATELY DISPATCHED BUT RETURNED TO BASE AFTER THEY FOUND OUT THAT THEY WERE SEARCHING IN THE WRONG COUNTRY.

A SECOND TEAM WAS DISPATCHED BUT THEY WERE ALL KILLED IN A CAR CRASH ON THE WAY TO THE OFFICE.

A THIRD SEARCH TEAM WAS DISPATCHED BUT THEY GOT LOST AND NOW THE FOURTH WIN TV SEARCH AND RESCUE TEAM IS SEARCHING FOR THEM.

WIN TV WILL UPDATE THE MILLIONS OF BARON STORM FANS WITH THE LATEST NEWS ON THIS RESCUE EFFORT AS SOON AS THEY CAN FIND THEIR WAY BACK TO BASE. WHEREVER THAT IS.

 

SEPTEMBER 23RD 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV WAS WELCOMED INTO MEXICO CITY YESTERDAY.

AS THE NEW KING OF “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY THE USA, CANADA AND THE CARIBBEAN) AND NOW KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID 1ST ( “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS) MEXICO HAS AGREED TO BECOME PART OF HIS NEW “BEAVERLAND” KINGDOM.

WHEN ASKED WHY HE NAMED HIS NEW KINGDOM “BEAVERLAND” HE REPLIED, ” THE EARLY EXPLORERS HARVESTED BEAVER AND MADE FORTUNES IN BOTH CANADA AND THE UNITED STATES. I’M NOT SURE ABOUT THE CARIBBEAN AND MEXICO BUT I HAVE HEARD FROM MANY TOURISTS THAT THEY FOUND GREAT BEAVER DOWN THERE. SO “BEAVERLAND” IS VERY APPROPRIATE.

WELCOMED BY OVER THREE MILLION MEXICANS IN MEXICO CITY THIS RARE PICTURE OF BARON STORM HAS GONE VIRAL AS HE APPRECITAES THE ADORATION OF ALL OF MEXICO.

 

SEPTEMBER 22ND 2021

BARON STORM WAS SERVED WITH ANOTHER PATERNITY SUIT CLAIMING HE WAS THE FATHER OF SEVERAL CHILDREN WHOSE MOTHER BELONG TO A BRAZILIAN PYGMY TRIBE DEEP IN THE RAIN FOREST OF BRAZIL.

“IT’S A MERE COINCIDENCE THAT ALL OF THE CHILDREN LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ME,” SAID BARON STORM. “THE FACT THAT THEY ALL HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT IS ALSO A COINCIDENCE.” HE ADDED.

“YOU KNOW ME AS AN ENVIRONMENTALIST AND WHEN I WAS ASKED BY THE “SAVE THE JUNGLE” PEOPLE TO COME AND SOW SOME SEED, WELL THAT’S WHAT I DID.”

BARON STORM IS DUE IN THE PYGMY SUPREME COURT OF JUSTICE ON FEBRUARY 8TH 2022. WIN TV WILL UPDATE ALL NEWS RELATING TO OUR GREAT FOUNDER AND CEO.

 

SEPTEMBER 21ST 2021

BARON STORM, NOW KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID THE  1ST ( “DICK” ) TO HIS FRIENDS HAS ISSUED HIS SECOND ROYAL PROCLAMATION.

STARTING DECEMBER 25TH OR CHRISTMAS DAY, FROM NOW ON IT WILL BE KNOWN AS “DICK DAY” TO CELEBRATE THE NEW KING. IN CONJUNCTION WITH THIS CHANGE THE ROYAL PROCLAMATION KING Richard Rigid WILL GIVE A FREE CONCERT IN THE ARCTIC WHERE HE WILL SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS.

WHILE THE CONCERT IS FREE EACH ATTENDING PERSON MUST BRING EVIDENCE OF HAVING HAD BOTH VACCINATIONS FOR COVID 19 WHICH ARE AVAILABLE FROM THE ROYAL BOX OFFICE FOR $49.00 EACH (CASH ONLY PLEASE)

GUESTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD ARE CLAMOURING FOR TICKETS INCLUDING SUCH PERSONALITIES AS THE VIENNA CASTANET ORCHESTRA COMPRISING OF SIXTY PEOPLE PLAYING CASTANETS.. THEY ARE SCHEDULED TO PLAY SEVERAL HOURS OF CLASSICAL CASTANET SYMPHONIES WRITTEN BY THE NEW KING.

OTHER LUMINARIES INCLUDE CHIEF MHIJFAGTRGATANGA, A ZULU MUSICIAN WHO PLAYS SPECIAL MUSICAL PING PONG BALLS WHILE CHASING A POLAR BEAR. CERTAINLY AN ACT NOT TO BE MISSED.

REGULAR UPDATES ABOUT THE CONCERT WILL BE POSTED HERE. TO GET YOUR FREE TICKET PLEASE SEND $49.00 (CASH ONLY PLEASE) TO COVER THE POSTAGE.

 

SEPTEMBER 20TH 2021

TOM CRUISE, ONE OF THE WORLD’S TOP ACTORS HAS JUST SIGNED ON TO PLAY THE PART OF BARON STORM IN THE NEW FEATURE FILM TO BE RELEASED NEXT YEAR CALLED “BARON, BARON, BARON”

THE TITLE, TRANSLATED INTO JAPANESE MEANS “TORA, TORA, TORA”

THE FEATURE FILM TELLS THE STORY OF BARON STORM WHO FROM THE AGE OF TWO WAS ABANDONED BY HIS PARENTS WHEN THEY TRADED HIM IN FOR A PET SNAKE.

TOM CRUISE IS USING SPECIAL MAKEUP TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK LIKE A TWO YEAR OLD.

THE STORY THEN GOES ON TO TELL THE STORY OF BARON STORM WHO ROSE FROM THE BACK STREETS OF A CALCUTTA GHETTO TO BECOME ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS AND WELTHY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

IT IS A SHOCKING STORY OF INTRIGUE, ADVENTURE, SEX, MORE SEX, AND A CLIMAX THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SHOWN ON FILM BEFORE.

TOM CRUISE, ONE OF THE HIGHEST PAID ACTORS IN THE WORLD REPORTEDLY PAID BARON STORM $17 MILLION DOLLARS TO PLAY THE ROLE.

HE PAID THIS BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTED TO PLAY THE ROLE INCLUDING MEL GIBSON, DON LEMON FROM CNN, AND MANY OTHER LUMINARIES.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE EXPLOSIVE UPDATES.

 

SEPTEMBER 19TH 2021

SUNDAY IS A DAY OR RELIGION FOR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE SO WHEN POPE  CALLED BARON STORM TO SIT IN FOR HIM SO THAT HE COULD HAVE A DAY OFF BARON STORM STEPPED IN. 

IN ST. PETERS SQUARE AT THE VATICAN BARON STORM SHOCKED THE THOUSANDS OF ROMAN CATHOLICS GATHERED BELOW BY APPEARING IN A SKIN TIGHT YOGA COSTUME AND PROCEEDED TO LEAD THE CROWD IN A MASS YOGA EXERCISE.

UNFORTUNATELY IN THE HOT SUN THE SWEAT FROM JUST UNDER 10,000 PEOPLE MADE THE MARBLE FLOOR OF THE SQUARE VERY SLIPPERY WHICH LED TO A TANGLED MASS OF BODIES AS THEY SLIPPED AND LOST THEIR FOOTING.

“WASN’T THAT GREAT?” SAID BARON STORM AS HE WATCHED THE AMBULANCES LINE UP TO TAKE THE INJURED PEOPLE TO HOSPITAL. “RELIGION NEEDS MORE EXCITEMENT LIKE THIS.” HE EXCLAIMED, OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT THAT HIS YOGA SUIT BECAUSE OF THE SWEAT HAD BECOME COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT REVEALING HIS MASSIVE MANHOOD.

HE WAS LAST SEEN ENTERING THE ANTI-ROOMS OF THE VATICAN WITH A GROUP OF FEMALE NEWS REPORTERS.

 

SEPTEMBER 18TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV AND NOW THE NEW KING Richard Rigid 1ST OF “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY THE USA, CANADA AND THE CARIBBEAN) LAST NIGHT ATTENDED THE FUNERAL OF HIS LATE GIRL FRIEND NIKITA NIKITA.

WITH A SMALL GROUP OF FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS IT WAS A SOLEMN OCCASION UNTIL THE CREMATION WHEN EVERYONE RELAXED SAT AROUND THE CREMATION OVEN WITH SOME BEER AND WITH SOME LONG STICKS THEY HAD A GREAT TIME TOASTING MARSHMALLOWS AND HOT DOGS.

WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE APPROPRIATENESS OF COOKING HOT DOGS AND TOASTING MARSHMALLOW DURING A CREMATION BARON STORM REPLIED “NIKITA WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS. SHE WAS ALWAYS A BIT OF A FIRECRACKER.”

WITH THAT COMMENT HE RETURNED TO HIS HOT DOGS BRUSHING OFF SOME OF THE ACCUMULATED ASH BEFORE GULPING IT DOWN.

 

SEPTEMBER 17TH 2021

AFTER THE TRAGIC DEATH OF NIKITA NIKITA THE STUNNING SURF BOARD SUPERMODEL, WHO FROZE TO DEATH IN AN IGLOO BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T BUY ANY WOOLY UNDERWEAR, BARON STORM HAS GONE INTO A PERIOD OF MOURNING.

DRESSED IN A CONSERVATIVE BLACK SUIT HE ADDRESSED A CROWD OF CLAMOURING REPORTERS. HE TOLD THEM THAT HE WAS VERY SAD AND THAT THE 20 MINUTES HE WAS TAKING OUT OF HIS BUSY PARTY SCHEDULE WAS OUT OF RESPECT FOR HER.

WITH THAT HE SAID THAT HE HAD 200 PEOPLE WAITING FOR HIM ON HIS YACHT WHERE HE WAS HAVING A PUMPKIN PARTY AND WAVED GOODBYE TO THE REPORTERS.

THE REPORTERS SHOUTED “WHAT’S A PUMPKIN PARTY?”  BUT THEY RECEIVED NO ANSWER.

 

SEPTEMBER 16TH 2021

STUNNING AND TRAGIC NEWS NOW BREAKING. AS REPORTED EARLIER BARON STORM NOW KNOWN AS KING RICHARD RIGID 1ST ( “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS) THE NEWLY APPOINT KING OF “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY KNOWN AS CANADA, THE USA AND THE CARIBBEAN) HAS BEEN DATING SUPER SURF BOARD MODEL NIKITA NIKITA.

IN ORDER TO AVOID ALL THE PAPARAZZI SHE WENT TO THE ARCTIC TO HIDE IN AN IGLOO.

UNFORTUNATELY SHE HAD NOT PURCHASED THE WOOLY UNDERWEAR FROM THE BARON STORM LINE OF WOOLY UNDERWEAR ($49.00 USD CASH ONLY PLEASE.) AND FROZE TO DEATH DURING A BLIZZARD.

A VISIBLY MOVED AND EMOTIONAL BARON STORM STATED WHEN INFORMED OF HER UNTIMELY DEMISE, ” I WILL MISS HER TERRIBLY, EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS A LITTLE ON THE FRIGID SIDE. IT’S TRAGIC BECAUSE I EVEN OFFERED HER 10% OFF THE WOOLY ARTIC UNDERWEAR FOR WOMEN I HAD DESIGNED.”

ONE REPORTER ASKED WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO NOW THAT SHE HAD JUST DIED AN HOUR OR SO AGO. 

“I CAN’T TALK RIGHT NOW” HE REPLIED. “I AM ON MY WAY TO A DATE.” WITH THAT HE WAVED AT THE CROWD GAVE ONE OF HIS BRILLIANT SMILES AND JUMPED INTO HIS DOUBLE ENGINED ROLLS ROYCE LIMO.

SEPTEMBER 15TH 2021

AFTER POSTING THE PICTURE OF NIKITA NIKITA, THE WOMAN THAT BARON STORM HAS BEEN DATING, THOUSANDS OF LETTERS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED BY WIN TV SAYING THA BARON STORM SHOULD PROPOSE TO HER.

DUE TO THE UNPRECEDENTED ATTENTION THAT THE WORLD PRESS HAS GIVEN THE SUPER MODEL SHE HAS GONE INTO HIDING.

SEVERAL REPORTS HAVE COME IN THAT SHE IS SOMEWHERE IN AN IGLOO IN THE ARTIC. 

BARON STORM IS NOT MAKING ANY ANNOUNCEMENTS EITHER BUT WAS SEEN PARACHUTING FROM ONE OF HIS CORPORATE JETS OVER A REMOTE ESKIMO VILLAGE YESTERDAY.

WIN TV WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON THIS EXCITING ROMANCE SO STAY TUNED.

 

SEPTEMBER 14TH 2021

THE FIRST PICTURES OF THE WOMAN BARON STORM HAS BEEN DATING WERE CAPTURED AT A PRIVATE RESORT IN HAWAII BY A WAITER WHO HID UNDER THEIR TABLE FOR 3 DAYS IN ORDER TO GET THIS SNAP SHOT OF HER.

SHE IS A SURF BOARD SUPER MODEL NAMED NIKITA NIKITA, BORN IN RUSSIA IT IS RUMOURED THAT SHE IS A DESCENDANT OF THE ROMANOFF ROYAL FAMILY.

ACCORDING TO THE WAITER THEY WERE VERY CLOSE AND BARON STORM IMPRESSED HER BY PULLING OUT HIS GOLD CASTANETS AND PLAYING HER A DELIGHTFUL BARON STORM AN ORIGINAL CLASSICAL SYMPHONY IN C# FOR THE CASTANETS THAT HE HAD WRITTEN ESPECIALLY FOR HER. 

YOU CAN BUY A COPY OF THIS MASTERPIECE FOR $49.00 USD (CASH ONLY PLEASE) HERE IS A PICTURE OF NIKITA NIKITA

 

SEPTEMBER 13TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV AND ONE OF THE WEALTHIEST MEN IN THE WORLD WHO RECENTLY ASCENDED TO THE THRONE OF “BEAVERLAND” AS KING RICHARD RIGID ( “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS ) WENT ON A DATE LAST NIGHT.

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT YOU MIGHT ASK? WELL FIRST HE BRUSHED HIS TEETH FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS. SECONDLY THIS COULD BE THE PERSON THAT ENDS UP AS QUEEN OF “BEAVERLAND.” (FORMERLY CANADA, THE UNITED STATES AND THE CARIBBEAN)

“IT WENT VERY WELL” SAID BARON STORM AS HE WAS FOLLOWED AND PEPPERED WITH QUESTIONS BY PAPARAZZI. “WE HAVE AGREED TO A SECOND DATE” HE ADDED.

“DID YOU HAVE SEX?” ASKED ONE REPORTER FROM THE WALL ST. JOURNAL. 

BARON STORM GAVE HIS FAMOUS SLY SMILE THAT SO MANY WOMEN FIND THEMSELVES ATTRACTED TO, PARTICULARLY WHEN HE BRUSHES THE FOOD FROM HIS TEETH THAT HAS ACCUMULATED OVER THE LAST TWO YEARS.

“OF COURSE I DID AFTER SHE LEFT.” HE SAID, WIPING HIS HANDS WITH SEVERAL KLEENEX BEFORE JUMPING INTO HIS WAITING “SMART CAR” LIMO AND SPEEDING AWAY TO WHERE HIS NEW PALACE IS BEING BUILT.

EXCITEMENT IS MOUNTING IN THE GENERAL POUBLIC AS THERE MAY BE A ROYAL WEDDING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE HISTORY OF NORTH AMERICA. (TICKETS ARE $49.00)

 

SEPTEMBER 12TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV WHO HAS RECENTLY BEEN DECLARED KING OF “BEAVERLAND” (FORMERLY THE USA, CANADA AND THE CARIBBEAN) HAS STARTED A NEW TRAINING FORCE OF ELITE ANIMALS.

CATS, DOG, HORSES AND SNAKES ARE TRAINED TO PROTECT THE ROYAL PALACE AGAINST INTRUDERS OR THOSE THAT WISH HARM TO THE NEW KING.

AS PART OF THE TRAINING OF THESE ANIMALS THEY UNDERGO A SPECIAL COURSE AT HEREFORD IN THE UK ($49.00 USD CASH ONLY) WITH THE SAS (SPECIAL FORCES). THIS TEN MINUTE COURSE IS PRIMARILY TO POTTY TRAIN THE ANIMALS SO THAT THEY DO NOT POOP OR PEE IN THE NEW PALACE BEING BUILT FOR THE KING.

THEN THEY ARE SHIPPED OUT ALL OVER THE WORLD TO LEARN THE PROTECTIVE TECHNIQUES DESIGNED TO ULTIMATELY PROTECT THE KING. ESPECIALLY AGAINST LAWYERS TRYING TO SERVE PATERNITY SUITS AGAINST HIM.

HERE IS A VIDEO OF SOME OF THESE ELITE PROTECTORS.

SEPTEMBER 11TH 2021

YESTERDAY WE ANNOUNCED THAT KING RICHARD RIGID 1ST  ( “DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS ) ( ALSO KNOWN AS BARON STORM) IS SEEKING A BRIDE TO BECOME HIS QUEEN.

THE RESPONSE HAS BEEN OVERWHELMING WITH OVER 1,000 BAGS OF MAIL RECEIVED AT THE CONSTRUCTION SITE OF THE NEW PALACE BEING BUILT BY THE WIN TV CRAFTSMEN THAT YOU HAVE SEEN ON VARIOUS VIDEOS ON THIS SITE.

UNFORTUNATELY MOST OF THE MAIL WAS TAKEN UP BY A PLETHORA OF PATERNITY SUITS AND THE ACCOMPANYING LEGAL DOCUMENTS. 

THERE WERE ONLY TWO LEGITIMATE LETTERS OF INTEREST THAT THE NEW KING CONSIDERED. ONE WAS FROM HIMSELF AND ONE WAS FROM A PYGMY IN THE BRAZILIAN JUNGLE.

HE HAS DECIDED TO WAIT UNTIL MORE APPLICATIONS ARE RECEIVED BEFORE MAKING A FINAL DECISION.

WIN TV WILL KEEP EVERYONE UP TO DATE AS HE SELECTS THE LUCKY APPLICANT.

 

SEPTEMBER 10TH 2021

BARON STORM, ONE OF THE WORLD’S WEALTHIEST MEN AND FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV IS SEARCHING FOR LOVE AND ONCE AGAIN PLANS TO GET MARRIED.

IN HIS NEW ROLE AS KING RICHARD RIGID 1ST (“DICK” TO HIS FRIENDS) OF NORTH AMERICA, CANADA THE USA AND THE CARIBBEAN, HE IS REQUIRED TO FIND A QUEEN AND CREATE AN HEIR TO THE THRONE.

IN ORDER TO HOST THE WEDDING HE IS BUILDING A NEW CASTLE FOR THE WEDDING CELEBRATIONS.

INVITES ARE BEING SEND OUT AROUND THE WORLD ALTHOUGH THE ACTUAL DATE FOR THE WEDDING HAS NOT BEEEN SET.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE AN INVITE TO WHAT PROMISES TO BE THE MOST SPECTACULAR WEDDING SINCE PRINCE CHARLES AND LADY DIANA MARRIED IN ENGLAND PLEASE REQUEST ONE NOW.

INVITES COST $49.99 USD (CASH ONLY PLEASE).

AS THE KING IS SEARCHING FOR HIS NEW TRUE LOVE, ALL APPLICANTS FOR THOSE INTERESTED IN BECOMING QUEEN ARE ASKED TO SEND IN A PICTURE TO wintvnetwork@gmail.com ALONG WITH $49.00 USD CASH (OR BUY A THREE MONTH MEMBERSHIP IN WIN TV.)

YOU MUST BE OVER 18 TO APPLY AND NOT WEIGH ANYMORE THAN 600 LBS. 

 

SEPTEMBER 9TH 2021

BARON STORM’S SECRET TO SUCCESS HAS ALWAYS BEEN DOING THE UNEXPECTED.

IN ASSOCIATION WITH WIN TV HE OPENED A SCHOOL FOR ANIMALS TO TAKE A TWO YEAR COURSE ($49.99 CASH ONLY)) WHERE THEY COULD ALSO LEARN TO DO THE UNEXPECTED.

HERE IS A VIDEO OF OUR RECENT GRADUATES.

 

SEPTEMBER 8TH 2021

FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV NETWORK, BARON STORM, IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT ONCE AGAIN HIS COMPANY THAT REPRESENTS SKILLED TRADES WORKERS HAS BEEN VOTED THE BEST PLACE TO WORK IN THE WORLD.

EMPLOYEES LOVE IT BECAUSE THEY ONLY WORK ONE HOUR A DAY AND NO MATTER WHAT DEVASTATION THEY CAUSE THEY ARE NEVER FIRED.

HERE IS A VIDEO THAT SHOWS THE TREMENDOUS SKILLS THEY HAVE IN A VARIETY OF JOBS AFTER TAKING THE SIX MINUTE APPRENTICESHIP COURSE IN EVERYTHING. ($49.99 USD. CASH ONLY, IN ADVANCE.)

 

SEPTEMBER 7TH 2021

EVERYONE LOVES ANIMALS AND BARON STORM IS NO EXCEPTION. CHECK OUT HIS NEWEST BUSINESS THAT IS ATTRACTING ATTENTION ALL OVER THE WORLD. 

PUPPYLOVE.INTERNATIONAL

JOIN THE PUPPY LOVE CLUB AND GET GREAT DISCOUNTS ON ALL KINDS OF CAT, DOG AND OTHER ANIMAL SUPPLIES. WE ARE ALSO CREATING A NEW GLOBAL DOG COMPETITION CALLED DOGOLYMPICS WHERE THE OWNER AND THE DOG HAVE TO RUN OBSTACLE COURSE TOGETHER AND ALSO COMPETE IN VARIOUS OTHER EVENTS. 

STAY TUNED FOR MORE NEWS ON THAT.

HERE IS A CUTE VIDEO OF SOME PUPPIES, KITTENS AND MANY MORE REALLY CUTE ANMALS HAVING FUN.

ENJOY.

 

SEPTEMBER 6TH 2021

200 MILLION PEOPLE CANNOT BE WRONG! THAT’S HOW MANY RESPONSES WE HAVE HAD ON THIS INCREDIBLE SUGAR REPLACEMENT PRODUCT WE CALL “NATURALLY SWEET”.

SUGAR IS ONE OF THE MOST HIDEOUS PRODUCTS EVER INTRODUCED IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. NOT ONLY IS IT BAD FOR YOU AS IT RITS TEETH, CAUSES DIABETES, HEART PROBLEMS, EYE PROBLEMS, KIDNEY PROBLEMS BUT IT ALSO STARTED AND PERPETUATED SLAVERY.

“KICK THE SUGAR” GO “NATURALLY SWEET” IS OUR ANSWER TO SUGAR. THIS FDA, CANADA HEALTH, EUROPEAN FOOD SAFETY AUTHORITY (EFSA) APPROVED PRODUCT IS AT A SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY WHOLESALE PRICE OF ONLY $9.99 USD. TRY IT AND JOIN THE “KICK THE SUGAR” GO “NATURALLY SWEET”. VISIT

amazing-naturally-sweet.myshopify,com  

AND ORDER YOURS NOW!

 

SEPTEMBER 5TH 2021

BARON STORM, FOUNDER AND CEO OF WIN TV HAS GIVEN ANOTHER GLOBAL DISPLAY OF HIS HUMANITARIAN GENEROSITY.

HE HAS ESTABLISHED FIVE NEW AIRLINES WITH FIVE TRIBES LOCATED DEEP IN THE JUNGLES OF VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD.

ALL OF THESE TRIBES ARE CONSIDERED CANNIBALISTIC. ASKED WHY HE WANTED TO DO THIS HE REPLIED, “THIS IS A NICHE MARKET THAT HAS NEVER BEEN REALIZED BEFORE. AS CANNIBALS THEY HAVE A SPECIFIC DIET THAT IS NOT USUALLY AVAILABLE ON A PLANE. WE HAVE A UNIQUE MARKETING PLAN IN PLACE THAT IS EXTREMELY PROFITABLE.” 

ASKED WHAT IT WAS BARON STORM COULD NOT HELP BUT CHUCKLE AS HE REPLIED.

“SIMPLE,” HE SAID. “WE LET THE PEOPLE IN FIRST CLASS EAT THE PEOPLE IN SECOND CLASS! SO, EVERYONE BUYS A FIRST CLASS TICKET AT PREMIUM PRICES. WE HAVE NOT SOLD A SINGLE SECOND CLASS TICKET YET.”

HERE IS A VIDEO OF THE FIVE CANNIBAL TRIBES BLESSED WITH A NEW AIRLINE.

 

SEPTEMBER 4TH 2021

ITS A LONG WEEKEND ALL OVER THE WORLD CALLED “LABOUR DAY” CELEBRATING THE HARD WORK OF PEOPLE AND ALSO SIGNALLING THE END OF THE SUMMER AS WE HEAD INTO FALL.

HERE AT WIN TV WE HAVE AMAZING EMPLOYEES BUT EVEN AS GREAT AS THEY ARE THEY DO MAKE THE OCCASIONAL MISTAKE.

HERE IS A VIDEO OF SOME OF THEM JUST BEFORE THEY ARE SHIPPED OFF TO JAIL FOR PROLONGED PRISON SENTENCES WHERE THEY LEARN NOT TO HAVE FUN.

 

SEPTEMBER 3RD 2021

WE NEVER STOP LEARNING AND EXPERIENCING. HERE IS A VIDEO WITH A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.

 

SEPTEMBER 2ND 2021

GREAT NEWS! BARON STORM HAS JUST CREATED THE NEW WIN TV SHIPPING COMPANY. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING MOVED, SHIPPED FIXED AND DELIVERED QUICKLY (AT LEAST A YEAR AFTER THE CHECK CLEARS) WIN TV IS YOUR GO TO COMPANY.

TO SHOW HOW GOOD WE ARE ALL OVER THE WORLD WE INVITE YOU TO WATCH THIS VIDEO OF OUR HIGHLY TRAINED PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALL GONE THROUGH THE INTENSIVE 20 MINUTE TRAINING COURSE. ($49.00)

WE ARE HIRING SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO JOIN OUR GLOBAL TEAM OF EXPERTS IN EVERYTHING THEN CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY.

WE ARE HIGHLY REGARDED IN SUCH COUNTRIES AS TIBET. WE ARE WORKING ON THE REST OF THE WORLD.

SEPTEMBER 1ST 2021

BREAKING NEWS!

BARON STORM IS REGARDED AS ONE OF ENGLANDS MOST RENOWNED SPIES. SINGLE HANDEDLY RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAS GONE RIGHT IN ENGLAND FOR THE LAST 50 YEARS HE IS ADORED BY EVERYONE.

WORKING UNDERCOVER FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS HE HAS JUST SMASHED AND INTERNATIONAL SPY RING.

THE GIRL GUIDES HAVE LONG BEEN CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MOST TERRIFYING TERRORIST GROUPS.

GOING UNDERCOVER FOR TWO YEARS AS A GIRL GUIDE HE INFILTRATED THE UPPER ECHELONS OF THE HIDEOUS ORGANIZATION. HE FOUND THAT THE LEADERS WERE PREPARING THESE YOUNG GIRLS TO BECOME TERRORISTS BY TEACHING THEM VARIOUS TECHNIQUES OF TERROR.

HE PERSONALLY WITNESSED A KNOT TYING LESSON, OBVIOUSLY A LESSON DESIGNED TO TIE UP HOSTAGES.

HE ALSO INFILTRATED THE GIRL GUIDE COOKIE DOOR TO DOOR SALES EFFORTS. OBVIOUSLY DESIGNED TO FUND TERRORIST ACTIVITIES.

AT THE END OF THE DAY OVER 4,000 GIRL GUIDES WERE ARRESTED.

BARON STORM WAS ONCE AGAIN RECOGNIZED AS A SAVIOUR OF BRITAIN AND WAS KNIGHTED FOR THE 17TH TIME BY THE QUEEN.